Meghan found that after having had one baby already, she had a clearer sense of what she wanted to focus on with the birth of her second child. She planned a second homebirth, this time in Singapore, but found that birth always holds surprises, even for the experienced! An unexpected development just at the time her baby was due had Meghan's head spinning as she also realized her toddler wasn't going to be "the baby" anymore! Meghan and Mark's careful planning, and the care they took to surround themselves with solid support, meant that they were able to cope with those swirling emotions in an atmosphere of safety and security.

My first son was born at home in London. Charlie was caught by my husband, who also cut the cord, put on his first nappy, tucked us both up in bed, and then cleaned the whole house, and all after a 24-hour labour of being my constant support, and pandering to my every whim. As I lay in the comfort of my own bed, gazing at the wonder of my new baby boy, kissing his toes and fingers, watching the rise and fall of my exhausted husband's chest, and listening to the muffled sounds of the night, I almost had to pinch myself to prove that I wasn't dreaming.

It would be no great surprise then that when I found out I was pregnant again, shortly after arriving in Singapore, I immediately began to plan a home birth. I made some casual enquiries amongst the mums I barely knew at the couple of playgroups we had joined. After months of sifting through much misinformation, and generally discouraging advice, I breathed a sigh of relief when greeted by the relaxed manner and accommodating style of Dr. Paul Tseng at Thomson Medical Centre. Dr. Tseng listened attentively to my plans for a natural pregnancy and birth and, despite the fact that he had yet to agree outright, I knew by the time that I walked back out of his office that I would again give birth at home. To be honest, despite feeling frustrated and disheartened at times at the lack of accurate information in the public domain about home birth in Singapore, the thought of giving birth anywhere else other than in my own home hadn't occurred to me.

Dr. Tseng was referred to me by ParentLink. Tania and Sandy had outlined all the available options in Singapore with regards to natural birth and home birth. They provided me with accurate information and were available to personally answer every question I had. Shortly after my visit to Dr. Tseng, and after an initial informal chat with Tania over a banana smoothie, I engaged two doulas from ParentLink. Again, their approach was just what I was looking for. They would support me in whatever way I needed, no more – no less. Fantastic!! I now felt secure in the knowledge that, along with my husband, I had a great support crew and total ownership over my pregnancy and birth. With all of the logistics taken care of, I threw myself into the business of enjoying the rest of my pregnancy and planning the more intimate details of my home birth.

The great thing about giving birth the second time round is the benefit of experience. There were aspects of my first birth that I wanted to concentrate more on second time round. I wanted to focus more on my breathing and to relax fully into the sensation of each contraction. I also wanted to breathe my baby out and give my perineum plenty of time to stretch. I was also more specific about what I needed from my husband and knew exactly where and how I wanted to be touched and massaged and supported. As the birth neared, I felt organized and dare I say it, a bit like an old hand at this birthing business. What I hadn't planned for was the fact that each birth comes with its own set of variables!

I waddled into my son's pediatrician's rooms in full overdue glory at 40 weeks + 3 days overdue. She diagnosed Hand-Foot-and-Mouth disease. When I asked about the implication of HFM with a newborn she gently advised that it could be a bit tougher on a baby and that it would be best to keep baby and brother apart while Charlie was infectious (another 7 days). Bloody hell! I was upset. Upset that Charlie had HFM, upset that I now could not send him to my neighbour's house to sleep over with his buddy during the birth and that I would have to make alternative arrangements. I was very upset at the prospect of having to keep the baby and Charlie apart after the many, many hours I had spent reading, discussing, and pondering the best ways to develop the sibling bond ... none of which involved separation. My meticulous planning was unraveling. But, most of all, I was upset at being so upset. Damn hormones!!

I texted Tania and she rang me straight away. "It is highly possible that your body will hold onto the baby until Charlie is no longer infectious," she ventured. Of course, I thought, as soon as she said it – that makes perfect sense. My body would wait until I knew there was no threat to my baby and until my birthing environment was safe and secure again. And that is exactly what happened. Eight days later I went into labour. After a morning of twinges and sporadic contractions I knew by lunchtime that I was in early labour. My husband was already on leave so we spent a wonderfully distracting afternoon with Charlie. We had an afternoon coffee and cake at Starbucks and an hour in the pool and then headed home for dinner about 5:30 p.m. After a 19-hour first stage with my first birth I thought I still had plenty of time up my sleeve but things were about to accelerate and take me by surprise.

As soon as the sun started to wane at about 6:15 p.m. I hit active labour. Charlie was still stomping around the house, as toddlers do, trying every trick he could to draw his mommy out of the bedroom. My body was forcefully pulling me inwards, demanding the focus and single-mindedness needed to birth my new baby. I was overwhelmed. I felt torn between the baby stomping around the house and the baby that wanted to be born. My contractions had just doubled in strength, I was on my own in the bedroom and I felt like I was losing control. I made a call to Tania and she immediately picked up on my sense of panic. She talked me through a couple of contractions and calmed me down. Both she and Claire, my backup doula, would leave straight away and be with me within 20 minutes. By the time I hung up I was back in control. I knew that the time had come to say goodbye to Charlie. I could hold onto him no longer. His father was ordered to pack him up and ship him out - NOW! Five minutes later I almost smothered Charlie in a huge hug and trying to fight back the tears I stood at the door and waved goodbye. I only had the luxury of two minutes to grieve before I was firmly reminded by my next contraction that I had to refocus and birth another sweet baby into the world.

I got into the pool at about 7:30 p.m. after a nice long relaxing shower. My labour progressed very smoothly and I felt totally relaxed and serene throughout. I asked that Dr. Tseng be notified shortly after I started to feel the urge to push. When he arrived he was more than happy to sit in the background and let nature take its course. I gripped Tania's fingers and breathed Ben into his father's hands at 11:03 p.m. (my husband: banker by day, baby-catcher by night!). Ben weighed in at a very healthy 4.5 kg and my perineum [area of skin and muscle around the birth opening] remained intact!

After everyone had gone, and after the best cup of tea and slices of toast I have every tasted in my life, I again snuggled down into my own bed, to gaze at the wonder of my beautiful new baby boy, to kiss his toes and fingers and watch the rise and fall of my exhausted husband's chest. I lay listening to the muffled sounds of a hot and humid night in Singapore and thanked the stars for the gift of another perfect baby and beautiful birth.

What's going on here?

Having a second baby is a joyous time for most families, but there can also be a bittersweet element when parents realize that their first "baby" is not going to be the baby anymore. That's all part of growing up, for the children as well as for the mothers and fathers who are moving forward in their own lives as parents. It can help to talk about your feelings, and even shed a tear if you need to, with those who are understanding and supportive of this change in your lives.

Meghan wryly recalls she was in "full overdue glory" at 40 weeks plus 3 days. Despite her humour, Meghan's words reveal that she fully expected her baby to be born by its due date, or perhaps just a few days after. Due dates, however, are just guidelines at best. Babies are "full term" anywhere from 37 to 42 completed weeks of pregnancy. Only after 42 weeks – 14 days after the due date! – is a woman "overdue" by medical standards. And in fact, most first babies arrive 5-8 days past the "due date." Makes you wonder why the due date is "set" well before the average baby arrives, then, doesn't it!

If you'd like to talk to other parents who are grappling with these sorts of issues – when is a baby "late"? Is it normal to feel a bit sad that my older child isn't a "baby" anymore? Is it normal to feel glad he's not a baby anymore? – then come to a ParentLink coffee morning and connect with others who are going through the same things you are.

Meghan and Mark had their first baby at home in London, and having enjoyed that experience, wanted a homebirth again for their second baby, this time in Singapore. What's the right place for you? Home? Hospital? Which hospital? Each hospital is very different and has a different approach to how they support new parents. At a birth plan consultation, you have the chance to talk over your needs and priorities with a professional birth supporter (doula) who can provide the insider knowledge to help you choose what's right for your individual needs. Click here for details on birth plan consultations.

To talk over your particular needs or concerns, you can:
call Diann at +65 6536-4626 oremail us